What Was I Thinking?

Kristy's Great Idea by Ann M. Martin
Double Love by Francine Pascal

Sometimes I just have no excuse.

I mean, a professional book reviewer actually gets paid to read something they think is a crappy waste of time. Even then it's usually a recent book, not something published twenty years before.

So how did I end up reading The Baby-Sitter's Club and Sweet Valley High for this blog that doesn't have many readers yet?

I've read girlish books before like Ramona Quimby, Laura Ingalls Wilder and Alice in Wonderland but until now I hadn't purposefully acquired copies of something quite obviously mass-produced for young girls until now.

I've known both series existed but hadn't even been remotely curious as to what they were all about. But a year and a half ago I met Tammy and everything's changed. It's not that she and her sister are huge fans, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about them. They read the books back when they were supposed to, when they were preteens, and now they like to occasionally get their hands on a copy, snark on what they're reading and laugh about the odd moments they remember.

I may have seen a copy lying around but it was in a clothes hamper where the majority of them would be found. A clothes hamper located in the bathroom, which is somewhat fitting since that's the most appropriate situation for a grown man to read Sweet Valley. If that first book represents the entire series then a room associated with shit is a proper library location.

The Baby-Sitter's Club isn't as aggravating as Sweet Valley High. It's lite writing and lite reading. As one might discern from the Series Title it revolves around a group of girls united in their common job. They pool their resources and advertise their services; a parent only needs to call one phone number to find a baby-sitter.

Kristy, who's sweet to her little brother but a bit of a spoiled little witch about her Mother's serious boyfriend, came up with the idea after her Mom had to call down her entire list of sitters to find someone at the last minute. Also in the club is Mary Ann whose Dad refuses to let her grow up since her Mom's been dead for years, Klaudia who's arty and considers herself more mature than the others, and Stacey who just moved to Stonybrook from New York City because, get this, she's got Diabetes. It's been too hard dealing with it in NYC so now she lives in the small town and tries to hide her secret. I realize kids are cruel but I can't buy that New Yorkers couldn't handle diabetes in 1986. I'm sure there had been an ABC Afterschool Special or something.

The only recurring story is Kristy's dislike of Watson and her attempts at figuring out why Stacey acts the way she does. A few more babysitting stories are there as well and anyone who's ever babysat will relate.

Other than wondering why I'm reading it when I'm a 32 year old guy without even a daughter to justify my action I don't have a bad thing to say about Kristy's Great Idea. I won't be as nice over Double Love which kicks off the Sweet Valley High series. Granted I grew up in Olympia, Washington and not Beverly Hills but I detected so much bullshit in just this first book I'm surprised roses weren't growing from between the pages. Frats and Sororities in High School? If that is in fact the way things are done there...then they can have it.

This book preceeded Beverly Hills 90210 by half a decade but that's what it reminded me of. It had twins, rich parents, rich neighbors, rich schoolmates, class distinction, criminal connivance, "bad boys", lower class girls and I wouldn't be surprised to find that Francine Pascal is a pseudonym for Aaron Spelling.

What grated on my patience worst was Elizabeth. She's the good twin who's often mistreated by her social-climbing ditz of an identical sister Jessica. All Jessi has to do is turn on the crocodile tears or even suggest thinking it and Elizabeth forgives all. After all she can't stay mad at Jessi.

WHY NOT?

If I was in Elizabeth's high heels I'd rake my nails across Jessica's face. And if I was their older brother Steven I'd shove Jessi down the stairs with a push of my hand. She suspected who his new girlfriend was and worried about what it would do to their family's social standing. Give me a break.

For the final verdict I say that The Baby-Sitter's Club is the more believable series while Sweet Valley High is more compelling. If you just need some lite reading to pass the time you could do worse than the babysitters, and if you're running low on toilet paper reach into the clothes hamper for Jessica Wakefield.

Ripping off the Shirt? How Cliché!

Master and Commander
by Patrick O'Brian

I had already read The Unknown Shore a few times when I finally got around to tackling the first of the Aubrey-Maturin books. I jumped into it without watching that Russell Crowe movie first.

It's the story of Captain Jack Aubrey (although he's not really a Captain, he's just called Captain. He's actually Master and Commander) and his good friend Dr. Stephen Maturin. Only he's not actually a Doctor but a Surgeon...or was it the other way around?

Aubrey has been given command of his first ship (although it's not really a...you get it by now) and spends the novel patrolling the Mediterranean in search of enemy vessels to capture. To the victor go the spoils.

This book, published 11 years after The Unknown Shore, is not as easy to get through but that's not to mean that it's difficult or impossible. My one complaint from the other book, that my lack of nautical knowledge limits my grasp of the story, applies here also, as well as my lack of early 19th Century European politics, business practices, Naval Law and Military chain of command.

O'Brian jumps right into things, expecting the reader to know what the Hell's going on. If I had spent my entire life on ships and reading the dusty histories, annals, maps, logs and almanacs of the Aubrey period I'd be in a better position to review this book. But you know what? It doesn't matter, the story is that good!

There's just something about the cadence and lingo of British speech that can make it hilarious whether one knows what's being said or not.

I'm looking forward to reading the next book. Hopefully as the series goes along I'll have a better grasp at what's being said and done. And now, in spite of myself, I kinda sorta wanna see the movie.

Short and Sweet #1

While I will continue to strive to post reviews chock full of content I would also like to acknowledge books that I've liked, yet which I don't at the time have enough words about to fill a novel with.

Redwall by Brian Jacques
The Black Stallion by Walter Farley
Freddy Goes to Florida by Walter R. Brooks

It should be no surprise to anyone that I love to read. I prefer fiction but don't limit myself to any particular genre. Even YA and Children's books find themselves on my coffee table.

Another thing I'm a fan of is series. Epics, Pulp, Serials, it doesn't matter.

Recently I read three books for young readers which were the beginning of three respected series. The first was Redwall, a fantasy of woodland creatures.

The woodlanders of Mossflower woods live a Pastoral life under the care and protection of the brothers of Redwall Abbey. The hero, the young novice Matthias, dreams of the days of old when Martin the Warrior protected the Abbey. His dream becomes a nightmare, a real nightmare, when Cluny the Scourge and his army (long believed to be a myth) arrive on the scene.

Abbot Mortimer has lived his entire life as a healer and pacifist. His resignation of the fact that they must kill in order to survive shows a depth not often seen in children's books (not counting Harry Potter)

Besides exhibiting military skill Matthias is also required to solve riddles and follow quests to obtain the legendary sword used by Martin ages ago. But did Martin and the sword really exist? And even then, would the sword have survived all these ages without disappearing?

Redwall is sometimes gruesome and cold-blooded but such realism shouldn't be shielded from young readers.

Following Redwall I read a realistic animal story, The Black Stallion. I hadn't read it since I was 9 but I've watched the movie a bazillion times. I already know I love the movie, I wasn't surprised to find that, as usual, the book was much better.

Some differences from the movie include Alec's age (he's seventeen in the book, much younger on film) and his father doesn't die on the shipwreck. Alec and The Black survive a shipwreck off the Africa coast by helping each other. (Alec opened the stall door, The Black swam and carried Alec.) Alec eats seaweed to survive and gathers enough to keep the stallion fed. When Alec is rescued he insists on the Black coming with him.

Alec's neighbor in New York is Henry Daley who raced in his younger days and is happy to provide stable space. The racing bug bites him and Alec and they train The Black for the track. When the two fastest horses in America meet to determine which one's the best, Henry and Alec know the stallion would beat them both, but will they be able to race him without any papers?

Finally I went back to fantasy animals with Freddy Goes to Florida. Originally titled To and Again the title was changed in the 50s after Freddy starred in many sequels. Freddy's part in this first story was minor.

Unlike Redwall which focused on depth and realism the Freddy books are just straight up lite stories. In this first one the animals take a hint from the birds and travel South for the Winter. A few stay behind so that Farmer Bean isn't greatly inconvenienced and the rest go on a road trip.

Sometimes they have to escape unscrupulous men who want to use them on their own farms, but they also meet many who've read about their adventures and who offer assistance, including The President of the United States.

Their actual time in Florida isn't covered much, it's the trip To and Fro which is covered. The Action isn't gravely intense and younger readers should get through the chapters easily.

Future books in these three series will be covered under the Short and Sweet title. Master and Commander and Cod: A Biography will be given the full treatment soon.