Ted Bundy was a Republican

Originally published on Satanosphere last March.

He was a Psychiatric Major, a Crisis Clinic Counselor, a Law Student. He worked for Republican Governor Dan Evans.

He was a Burglar. A Kidnapper. A Rapist. A Pedophile. A Serial Killer. A Necrophiliac.

And Theodore Robert Bundy was also that Satanospherian favorite...A POET?

It makes me feel blue
Taking food from the animals in the zoo
Porkchops tonight
Jews are uptight
I gave mine away
It still has a tail
And as for dessert
The cook, that old flirt
Surprised us with mellow
Peach jello.

One could say that for crap like that alone Bundy deserved to die. The man was charismatic. He was charming, and women fell all over themselves for him. He seemed to have everything going for him.

But as we all know, the real man was a monster. Convicted of three murders and four assaults he is believed to be responsible for a minimum of 38 deaths with most believing the number should be higher.

He was illegitimately conceived and birthed in 1948. His mother had to disappear to a home for wayward unwed mothers. She left him behind for three months while her options were debated. Finally, Eleanor Louise decided to bring her son home. He was raised believing his mother was actually his older sister and that his grandparents were his parents. His Grandfather, who Ted went to the grave claiming he had nothing but pleasant, nostalgiac memories of, was an abusive, alcoholic sumbitch who ruled his home with fear and often tortured cats to death.

At age 4 Ted and his "older sister" relocated across the country to Tacoma, where she married and had four more kids.

Ted grew up, was a paper boy, and may have, at age 12, killed a 9 year old neighbor girl whose body was never found.

In college Ted had a girlfriend who came from a rich California family. He thought the relationship was more serious than she did, and eventually they broke up. She cited that Ted seemed directionless in life. Ted insisted it was because he was below her class. Over the next few years he applied himself and became exactly the kind of man she would marry. Their relationship was rekindled, and no sooner was the engagement announced when he dropped her like yesterdays trash, effectively sticking it back to her for the "hurt" she "caused" him years before. It should be noted that many of Bundy's victims resembled this first love.

Women started disappearing, sometimes with blood left behind. July 14th, 1974 was an especially unsatiated day for Bundy as he succeeded in conning two women, four hours apart, to "assist him" at Lake Sammamish Park. Neither Janice Ott or Denise Naslund were seen alive again.

Bone and skull fragments were eventually found. Ott and Naslund, along with other victims Roberta Parks, Lynda Ann Healy and Susan Rancourt were partially found. But by this time Ted had relocated to Utah where the same thing was happening there and in Colorado.

Ted Bundy's luck changed when he failed in his attempt to kidnap and murder Carol DaRonch. She succeeded in breaking free from him and would later be instrumental in identifying him. Later that night Ted succeeded in getting Debby Kent into his Tan VW. She has never been found.

On August 16, 1975, Ted was strolling his VW around a neighborhood. A patrolling officer who was familiar with the cars from that neighorhood attempted to get a read on his license number, but Ted sped off. After a short chase he pulled over. Burglary tools were found in his car, and bit by bit Bundy was connected to the DaRonch assault. It didn't take long to connect him to the Utah and Colorado murders as well.

Bundy was found guilty of the DaRonch assault and sentenced to one-to-fifteen with parole. He stayed in the same jail with Gary Gilmore (of The Executioner's Song) who would be the first man executed since the reinstatement of Capital Punishment.

Evidence was found that linked Ted to the Utah and Colorado killings and he was transferred to a Colorado jail to await charges.

Aspen was already a circus with the Claudine Longet trial. (I can't think of that fiasco without remembering that Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain were the announcers for the Claudine Longet Invitational Ski Tournament.) Bundy became part of the circus when he escaped from the courtroom, jumping from a second story window. He eluded police for over a week before being recaptured. Precautions were taken to prevent this from happening again, but half a year later he did it again, this time crawling through the ceiling, stealing clothes from the jailor himself in his bedroom, and by the time anyone knew he was gone it was nearly 24 hours later, with Ted in Chicago. Again, Ted the camera whore would be overshadowed: James Earl Ray had escaped from jail that same week.

He made his way to Florida where he killed three more people including 12 year old Kimberly Leach and assaulted many more. This time he was caught for good. He insisted on representing himself in trial, and his demeanor and outrageousness did much to speed up his death sentence.

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Back in 1973 Ted Bundy was working at a Seattle Crisis clinic, convincing callers not to commit suicide. A co-worker who became his friend was a former policewoman and middle-aged newly-single mother of four named Ann Rule. She had made chump change over the years writing articles for True Detective and had many trusted friends and confidants on the Police Force. When the "Ted" murders (named such since witnesses saw some of the victims leave with a man in an arm-sling calling himself Ted) occured Ann was given a contract to write a book about them. Her friend Bundy was well aware of this.

When Ted had moved to Utah and gotten into trouble, Ann still hadn't put two and two together. She thought her nice friend had just gotten into some trouble which would be over and done as soon as he payed his debt back to society. It was bit by bit that she slowly realized this man she thought she knew would become one of the most notorious serial killers ever.

It was a publishing dream, a situation crime writers never find themselves in and one which could be passed off as a Hollywood invention. Not surprisingly it also took a terrible toll on Ann Rule emotionally as she had to come to terms with herself on who Bundy really was. Her book, The Stranger Beside Me, successfully includes her story without letting it overshadow the rest. It has been updated more than once: in 1986, in 1989 after Bundy was executed, and in 2000 to mark the twentieth anniversary of the first edition. It's interesting to see Ann's attitude toward Bundy change as the years pass. In her original ending she accepts that Ted is a killer and accepts that he deserves the Death Penalty. Understandably it takes years for this kind of reality to fully sink in. She originally thinks of Ted as someone who could have been helped. After his 11th hour confessions (which didn't yield many new bodies but which proved once and for all that he wasn't merely a suspect) Ann Rule accepted that Ted Bundy was a monster who manipulated women, including herself, for his own gain. She accepted that he was unredeemable. She accepted that the electric chair was the only acceptable destiny for this "charming" man she used to work late into the night with.

...at about midnight that date in an alleyway behind...the sorority and fraternity houses, it would have been 45th - 46th...47th?...In the back of the houses, across the alley and across the other side of the block there was a Congregational Church there, I believe...I was moving up the alley...handling a briefcase and some crutches. This young woman [Georgian Hawkins] walked down...She stopped for a moment and she kept on walking down the alley toward me. About halfway down the block, I encountered her. And asked her to help me carry the briefcase. Which she did - and we walked back up the alley, across the street, turned right on the sidewalk...

...

Basically - when we reached the car, what happened was I knocked her unconscious with the crowbar -

...

And then there were some handcuffs there, along with the crowbar. And I handcuffed her and put her in the...passenger side of the car and drove away.

She was unconscious, but she was very much alive.

Ted continued his confession, saying how and where he killed her and what he did with her body and his evidence. Ann Rule doesn't go into everything that was said, but other sources show that Bundy would return to where the bodies were before they decomposed completely, dolled them up with make-up, and got all necrophiliac.

Throughout the years Eleanor Louise Bundy defended her son's good name against all the horrible accusations. With Ted's confessions her world completely fell. Ted Bundy had destroyed many lives, not just the ones he killed but their families as well. Rose Naslund in particular never recovered, keeping her daughter's room and possessions exactly the way they were until her own death in 2000. She had waited years for the county to release her daughters bones for burial, but instead they were cremated and tossed away with the other victims.

Ted didn't just destroy the lives of his victims' families, he did the same to his own mother.

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Ted Bundy was a smart man. One example of his ability to use his brain was when he got married. His strongest supporter during his trials and appeals was Carole Ann Boone. She had gone through the paperwork to get them a marriage license, and Judge Wallace Jopling even okayed Bundy's blood test as required in Florida. However, the County Director of Corrections swore up and down he would never allow a wedding in his jail.

Bundy had already been convicted and sentenced to death in the Chi Omega sorority murders, and had just been found guilty of Kimberly Leach's murder. During sentencing for that crime Ted acted as his own attorney and called Carole Ann to the witness stand. A Notary Public was in attendance, watching the trial, the marriage license in his possession.

In the middle of the testimony Ted asked "Will you marry me?"

"Yes"

Then I do hereby marry you."

According to Florida law they were now legally husband and wife. They would pull another fast one years later and conceive a daughter. This story illustrates the potential that Bundy had, and all that he could have been, had he not been driven to lie and kill.

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Ted Bundy links

Crime Library's story on Ted.

Bundy's interview with Dr. James Dobson. Dobson hosts Focus on the Family on Christian airwaves and is probably best known for Dare to Discipline where he uses the Bible to justify spanking. (While I personally think more parents need to smack their little brats and keep them in line, I don't use religion as my reasoning.) Ted Bundy outright lies to Dobson, claiming access to pornography at an early age caused his homocidal tendencies. It was Ted's way of saying the problem wasn't his fault, and The Christian Right's way to have some ammo for their cause.

Some stupid shit comparing Bundy's life with the rise of Israel.

Bundy, after his execution.

January 24, 1989

Scene: Olympia High School, World History, Period 1

Teacher: What's the big news this morning?

Entire Class: BUNDY!!!

Me: Shocking, ain't it?